


It Started With a Potions Master

by Grayswandir, werewindle



Series: It Started With [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, May/December Relationship, OOC, Romance, Threesome - M/M/M, gundam wing - Freeform, mentions of 1x2x5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2015-07-31
Packaged: 2018-04-12 07:54:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 8,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4471331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grayswandir/pseuds/Grayswandir, https://archiveofourown.org/users/werewindle/pseuds/werewindle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to It Started With a Smile: Snape put and end to Harry and Draco's game, but that's ok. They've got something better plan for the next round - and they've drafted their Potions Master to be the third player. Severus just needs a little... persuading.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Assigning Detentions

Sitting in the headmaster's office, getting upbraided for their conduct Harry and Draco had one thought floating through their heads- Snape 1502 Students zip.

  
"Headmaster, I have no clue what happened." Harry protested loudly. 

"Neither do I." Draco protested as well. 

"I'm sorry boys, but your behavior was inexcusable for a classroom." Headmaster Dumbledore answered. "You will both serve a month of detention." 

"But, that will take us through to the end of finals!" Harry groaned. "Hermione's going to kill me!" 

"I'm sorry." Was all Dumbledore could say. 

The office fell silent, the teenagers contemplating their punishments. 

Slowly, Harry faced Draco. Staring into emerald-green eyes, Draco nodded. A smirk lit Harry's eyes momentarily, before he nodded as well. 

Turning back to the Headmaster, Harry relented. "Fine, but we have a few conditions." 

Blue eyes twinkling, eyebrow raised, curiosity roused Dumbledore couldn't help but ask. "And these would be?" 

"All detentions must be served together. . ." Draco began. 

"And administered by Professor Snape." Harry finished. 

"Will that be all?" Dumbledore asked amused. 

"Of course." The teens answered in unison. 

"Granted." Dumbledore agreed. "Dismissed."


	2. Drinks and Confrontations

Let’s see Severus try to talk his way out of this! The boy thought I wouldn’t know what he was up to. Really! I’m the Headmaster, the walls bloody well talk to me!

Hmmm, the mint tea he likes, the lemon drops he despises, irritatingly cheerful outfit. All set. 

Now I can sit back and watch Severus squirm and rant in comfort. Never have figured out why he protests so much. He knows he can’t refuse me. Not that I’m complaining, it is amusing to see him throw a tantrum worthy of a three year old. 

Ah, irritated grumbling, stomping in the stairwell, right on time. 

  


* * *

  


Ah! The owl has arrived. Good. Another victory over the students, another good excuse for a snifter of brandy. 

Carefully detach the wax seal, pull letter out, unfold. Raise snifter in anticipation, pour brandy over head. 

What in blue blazes!?! 

To Severus Snape: 

At the request of two guilty pupils, you have been assigned for the administration of a month of detentions on the part of Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy. Attached are available times for said students to serve detention. 

Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster 

WHY! Why must these vermin thwart me? All the other students are perfectly willing to accept detention from other professors, but them? 

They’re up to something. I know it. But what? 

Wait, there’s a post-script. . . 

P.S. ALL detentions must be served/administered simultaneously. 

“POTTER!” 

Oh no. This is not happening. I WON’T let those brats pull this. It must be a prank. That’s it, a prank! 

Must make a trip to see that MAN whose eyes are always twinkling too much to be healthy. Not to mention the cat hair. 

First, grab cloak. 

  


* * *

  


Well at least the students still cower when I storm through the halls. I was sure I was losing my touch. Good. But this is still bad. Potter and Malfoy (I refuse to call him Draco until this fiasco has been cleared up) seem to have developed an immunity. Must I pull out Intimidation Tactics by John Galt? Apparently, a quick revision wouldn’t hurt. 

Why must Albus have his office in the hardest corridor to reach? I swear he chose it for that specific reason: to make it impossible to file a complaint. Another left, walk backwards to the third door on the right, open the door with the left-uppermost handle with a push, walk through steel maiden on other end of passage, storm up to the gargoyle that guards HIS office. 

“Pussy Paws!” Where he got that password is beyond me. To think, him and Minerva. . . 

NO! Not that! Not right now. I have to confront this arse shortly and do not need those images. 

Deep breathe, Severus. 

Now I’m ready. 

Stomping up those annoying escalating steps before banging through that useless door gave me much satisfaction. 

“What is the meaning of this!?!” I cried as I slammed the letter onto that mahogany desk. 

“Good evening, Severus. Would you like a lemon drop?” Again with those blasted candies! Why does he act as if he was the first one to speak?! 

“No. What is the meaning of that?” Anger boiling in my veins as I gestured furiously at that LETTER. 

“Oh. That” He doesn’t even look at it. He acts as if I was supposed to come storming in. Wait. I always do. “Sit down, Severus.” 

Grumbling and groaning, I grudgingly complied. 

“Tea?” The nerve. And wearing that infernal maroon and neon blue smiley faced number that he has the audacity to call a robe. 

“No.” 

“But it’s mint.” Those puppy dogs and his regally manipulative personality can be deadly. I swear they’re at least poisonous. I’d bet a thousand galleons he could use that look to make Fudge’s heart stop beating. 

“Fine.” 

“Now Severus, I know that you hadn’t planned on this to happen—“ understatement of the century—“but I do intend to accommodate the requests of the students, no matter how vile their actions of late have been.” 

“Alright. I’ll do it.” How does he manage to do this to me? I come storming in and now I’m submitting? Don’t worry Albus, I have your number and you will get your just desserts soon. 

Two sips of tea and I’m headed for the door. No need to remain in this office any longer than necessary. I refuse to be finagled into another Lockhart type of activity. 

“Oh Severus. Brandy looks good on you.” 

Gahhhh!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grayswandir here!  
> Hope you loved the chapter. In case you’re wondering, the password “Pussy Paws” is a drink name. You can find the recipe at [Webtender.com](http://www.webtender.com/db/drink/1564). And yes, those were hints of Albus/Minerva.


	3. In the Works

We're gonna get Sev! Mwahahahahahaha

Smarmy bastard is finally gonna get a little back for years of torment. Draco and I will enjoy this immensely, so will Sev ... eventually. 

After Dumbledore dismissed us Dra’ and I made some plans. People thought we were bad separately; wait till they see what we got together. 

So while Dra’ is going to go see some Ravenclaw about a potion and some research I’m going to go see Quat. The kitten with claws from Hufflepuff. 

Kid’s got ESP or some such. Total bondage freak. Happens to own one Trowa Barton, Mr. Calm and Serenity himself. 

Quat is gonna help us out, see Draco and I don’t want to start anything if we aren’t sure Sev is willing. 

Oh we’ll still torture him, just won't do anything else. If he is, then Quat is gonna send him some nice little dreams to help him along. Get Sev real frustrated. Be a blast to watch. 

Ok so the ‘Puffles’ dorm should be here ... 

“Gaaahhhh ... Fuck! Quat, warn a guy huh?” Last thing I need to see is a naked Goyle in a pink collar. God! Thought Justin had better taste than that. 

* * *

The Slytherin Sex God will be ours! 

Oh yes in a few days the man who has starred in half of Hogwarts nightly dreams will be mine! ... and Harry’s. 

Harry is setting up a present for Snapey and I’m doing a little research with the Scholar. ’Fei has more brains than Granger and the sense not to flaunt it. 

Too bad Heero and Duo don’t share, ’Fei would be fun to play with. I’m not stupid though, I saw what Duo did to that Relena for making a pass at Heero. *Shudders* Not worth two months in the Infirmary. Can you imagine having Heero and Duo after your blood? They’re possessive and psychotic. 

Anyway, first we’re making sure that we can’t get into any legal trouble for playing with Severus, that’s one thing that Harry and I agree on. Once Severus is ours, we don’t want to let him go for any reason. 

After we make sure there won’t be any firing or expelling in our future, ’Fei and I are going to look up a good aphrodisiac/stamina potion. Want the good old boy to be able to keep up with us. 

Harry and I don’t intend to let him out of bed for a few days at least. 

Don’t give me that look you wouldn’t let him out either. *Grumbles* Blasted fan girls anyway. 

Now which bloody study room is Fei in ... 

Nope empty ... that's the twins ... Granger and Flitwick ... 

*blink blink* 

That is wrong on so many levels. 

“Yeah Fei, I’m fine. Just don’t look in study room three, trust me.”


	4. Chapter 4

It was hard not to squirm as that evil twinkle, Dumbledore’s twinkle, lit Quat’s eyes. “So you want to invade a teacher’s mind and then send him inappropriate dreams?”

Grinning lasciviously. “Basically.” 

Maniacal laughter ensued as he replied. “Goody.” 

It is truly scary to see Quat go from innocent blonde to petite Dom. So glad I don’t live in his dorm.   
. . .  
Scratch that. His house. 

  


* * *

  


I am in Hell. Do you know how many laws there are at Hogwarts? The blimey librarian won’t let us use search spells on the older books. 

At least the company is nice... 

“Here it is, ‘Any and all sexual advances are allowed as long as they do not interfere with classwork and other’s ability to do classwork. Any student/teacher relationship that goes beyond friendship must be initiated by the student. Relationships will not be interfered with unless there are displays of favoritism or trading of grades for sexual favors.’” 

And frustrating. Did I mention I have a thing for accents? So glad his boyfriends didn’t come along for the ride. I doubt I would last until dinner. 

  


* * *

  


*Nip Growl* 

*Whimper Moan* 

"Dra’ *suck* we’re gonna be late." 

"I know *Kiss* but you have to look, mmMmm properly debauched first." *Bite* 

*Yelp* "Yeah but nnnhh I don’t wanna look *lick* like a walking hickey!" 

"Fine let’s go." *Drags Harry down the hall.* 

"Look the Great Hall with two minutes to spare." 

"Wait." *Rip* 

"Hey!" 

"Now you look debauched too." *Smug grin* 

"You’ll pay for that." 

"Promise?"


	5. Willpower

**Poppy needs burn slave,** _[God I hate Albus]_

**Liquid sleep,** _[Bloody bastard]_

**Pepper-up,** _[Damn twinkling fool]_

**Fever reducer,** _[Meddling old man]_

**Anti-inflammatory,** _[Administer a month of damn detentions.]_

**Electrolyte restoratives,** _[With Malfoy and Potter!]_

**Anti-nausea potion,** _[Bloody well trying to kill me!]_

**And, of course, hangover cure.**

_[They aren’t old enough for alcohol._  
And that includes the Headmaster and his lady.  
I know half of it goes to them anyway.  
Should know when they have gone too far.  
They are older than I am, after all.] 

  


* * *

  


God! Do you know how hard it is to think when a pair of smirks hatches butterflies in your stomach? 

Can’t even eat dinner in peace. Potter is sitting, SITTING, on Malfoy’s lap! The other staff just looks on indulgently like they aren’t putting on an indecent display. 

Just finish dinner and tell them when their bloody detention is and leave. Don’t look at them, that’s what they want. Go down to the dungeons and try to calm down. 

... Make sure there is a good supply of scotch for after the ordeal. 

Perhaps even a little for before . . . 

NO! That would NOT be conducive to my further health. Potions, potions, what do I have in my cupboards that would help? 

Lucid Dreams? No, no. Tonight maybe . . . 

NO! Get a hold of yourself Severus! This is not playtime! This. Is. Not. The. Time. To. Fantasize. 

Take a deep breath and think! What will keep you from getting tangled in THEIR web? 

Liquid Denial! That’s it! That’ll do the tri- . . . maybe not. Hmm . . . with the focusious charm will work sufficiently. Yes. Liquid Denial and focusious will do quite nicely. Now, on to other affairs, what are my “wards” up to now? 

AHH! Curse those house elves and their delectable desserts! If it isn’t chocolate and strawberry, it’s cherry cheesecake! One spoon overloaded with cherry covered cheesecake enters one mouth then is sensuously dragged out between strawberry lips only to be placed into the other’s perfectly sculpted lips. But its not just Malfoy and Potter, but also Yuy and Maxwell. Why? Why must they all torture me so? 

Get up Severus! Just tell them when they are to show for detention and then you can leave. 

To think, at some point in time I *liked* to travel to my house’s table to converse with young Malfoy. Don’t look, just speak. “Malfoy, Potter! Detention tonight, 7. Don’t be late!” 

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Professor.” Malfoy answered, somewhat hoarse. 

“Of course not, Professor Snape.” Potter purred and hissed at the same time. How *does* he pull that off? 

Now leave the room. Leave the room. 

“Yuy, Maxwell! Get a room.” I could not resist upon exiting. 

“Still working on that, Snapey!” Damn that Maxwell and his cheek! 

  


* * *

  


Round two begins with Harry and Draco using a very familiar tactic. And it looks like Heero and Duo have decided to do so in tandem. And down goes young Miss Peacecraft. I guess double doses are a bit detrimental for her poor heart. 

“Fillius, please help Miss Peacecraft to Poppy’s care.” 

“Of course, Minerva.” 

Hmm, Severus said that he had talked to Mr. Malfoy about his behavior. Poor Harry, being subjected to the whims of that Slytherin. 

Of course, those two just might be able to put Severus in his place. Upstart. Hmm . . . let’s see where this leads. 

I must be sure to help. There are a few rules that haven’t ever been printed in the library archives about teacher/staff relations that just might work to their advantage. Have to make sure that ALL the school rules are followed to the letter. 

What’s that? That odd, yet sweet Hufflepuff is . . . cackling? What is his name? Quatre Winner? Wonder what he find so amusing?


	6. Taking Care of Business

Curses! Why must all the potions in my store relocate when I need them? Veritaserum, Skele-Gro, Polyjuice, Draught of Living Death, Pepper-Up, Liquid Denial.

Finally! Why would I place Liquid Denial with Pepper-up? It should be near the Veritaserum because it's milky white, not marble gray. Nevermind. Just get on with the dose, Severus. 

Ugh! I need to do something about that flavor. Salty lemonade is disgusting! 

Now for the charm. 

"Focuscious!" 

Alright. Now I'm ready. 

Charm detectors, activated. Can’t have them casting spells and making things easier. 

Dirty cauldrons, check. Tried and true methods of torture-hem detention-are always useful in a pinch. 

Potion splattered ceiling, check. Of course, new methods are always fun to test out. And who better to test than Potter and his newly corrupted, Malfoy. Always did enjoy those groaning in pain. 

Odd smell, che--wait a second! 

What is that scent? Where is it coming from? And, groaning in pain? Why would I even think that? Pull yourself together, Severus! You have students coming, and they’re the best of the worst. 

"Professor Snape?" Asian accent. Male. Possibly the carrier of that scent. 

"Yes, Mr. Chang?" Good at potions. Ravenclaw. With a potion at hand. And a great body to boot. 

"I was wondering if you could inspect this potion I brewed. I want to be certain it brewed properly." 

So very straight forward. I wonder who he goes for? Probably beyond straight. Heard he had been married. 

Back to the potion. I wonder what it is. "Certainly." Further investigation would be prudent in this matter. Let’s see. Chocolate in color. Cinnamon scented. Watery viscosity. Hmm. "Casso Salax, if I'm not mistaken. And of a very high purity." 

"Then it was brewed properly." 

What would he want with Casso Salax? 

"I need to dissuade a tiresome interloper." 

Huh? He's smirking! Why the hell is he smirking?! 

"You wanted to know what I wanted Casso Salax for, ne? And now you're wondering how I knew that." 

How the hell does he do that?! "Tell me." 

"A . . . friend of mine tends to communicate mainly through facial expressions. I had to learn how to decipher them." 

Friend, huh? Wonder what kind. 

"Hate to run, Professor, but I have something to deliver." 

"Think nothing of it." 

Gah! What is it about Casso Salax that I should remember? 

. . . 

Deliver? 

. . . 

Deliver what? 

. . . 

*Wet Dreams.* Where did that come from? 

. . . 

"Professor? We're here for our detention." 

Potter and Malfoy are here. I wonder how sexy their groans will sound. . .Oh. SHIT. 

* * *

How very fortunate for me that in our search for a way to ... un-inhibit Professor Snape, the potion turns out to be beneficial to me as well. Casso Salax: destroy, annul, and make void any and all lustful or lecherous thoughts, actions or deeds. An overdose decimates the person’s libido completely. In fact, for a time, until the potion leaves their system, what they once found most appealing revolts them. The mere sight of them brings physical pain. 

Of course an extreme overdose sends the person into a coma. *shrugs* Minor side effect. 

Good! Snape is ‘preparing’ for tonight's detention. Though-to the trained eye-it looks more like nervous fidgeting. Time to start, I still have business to attend to before curfew. 

* * *

Brilliant mind for potions. Really. Almost feel sorry for him. Malfoy and Potter will undoubtedly drive him to the brink with their plan. Of course this could all be avoided if he would just give in gracefully. *Smirk* Not that his pride will let him. And we would miss the entertainment. He deserves it, though.Yelling at my lovers, more than once. Duo can't help it he is very tactile. Though only with us. I must remember to punish them, however. *Sniff* Very negligent of them to put on an exhibition while I'm absent. Not that I would have joined in, but they know how I loved to watch them. 

Now where was I? Ah, yes. Snape. Needs to work on his control. Pathetic really. I could read him quite easily; then again I am skilled at it. Being lovers with Heero demands it. He is taciturn, rarely vocalizing more than a few grunts or a sparing hnn; so Duo and I have both become experts at reading facial expressions. Not that we don’t have ways of making him talkative, just not ones we want to share. 

Now on to the next mission. That hell bitch Relena! Onna disgraces herself. She has been warned off by both Heero and Duo; repeatedly. Still, she has the audacity to continue to pursue my lovers. I won’t stand for it any longer. I’ll take care of the problem forever tonight. After all, it would be a shame to waste a perfectly good Casso Salax potion. *Snicker* 

“Is it done?” Hmm, that’s my soldier. Always ready to take action when needed. 

"Yes. Quatre’s little favor has been fulfilled.” Evil chuckles ripped through the air from my beloved Shinigami, stepping forth from the shadows. 

“Can we play now?” I couldn’t resist the smirk as I watched the purple fire fanning within his eyes. 

“Of course. You two get started. I’ll be there shortly. I have to get something.” Wouldn’t want to ruin a good surprise.


	7. Detention: part 1

(In Snape's Head)

Wufei. Always on time. 

_Always did enjoy those groaning in pain._

Really Professor? I wonder if you’d prefer them groaning in your bed. 

_And a great body to boot._

Now, now, Severus. Those thoughts won’t help you any. 

_Probably beyond straight._

If only! But it’s a good thing you think that. Heero and Duo wouldn’t be happy if you tried anything. You could try, but I doubt you’d enjoy the repercussions. 

_How the hell does he do that!_

Obviously doesn’t know Heero’s habits. Or hasn’t noticed the relationship between Wufei and his lovers. 

_Friend, huh? Wonder what kind._

Bad professor! This train of thought will only get you into more trouble. However, it is good to know that your tendencies will make this a very easy task. 

_What is it about Casso Salax that I should remember?_

Gee, let’s think on that shall we? Fumes of Casso Salax, mix liberally with ingested Liquid Denial, add a focusing charm, and what do you get? A very naughty mixture known to cause-DUN, DUN, DUN--. 

**Wet Dreams.**

_Where did that come from?_

Your newly acquired, down-in-the-gutter conscience, courtesy of the boys just outside your door. 

“Professor? We’re here for our detention.” _Oh. SHIT._

You don’t know the half of it! chuckle Welcome to your worst nightmare, Severus Snape. You better hang on, you’re in for a very rocky ride, one that’s best accompanied with Rocky Road ice cream. 

“Potter, set up that ladder and start scraping and scrubbing that ceiling. I want to see every groove, every ore of those bricks. Malfoy, you have the honor of scrubbing out the first year cauldrons. Now get to work!” 

Now, now. We don’t really want detention to be that uneventful, do we? 

_My victims are occupied, now what to do with my time?_

I hear that the new seventh years students write killer essays. At least, they would light up your dirty little mind. With that said, I believe my work here is complete. Its up to the boys from here on out. 

  


* * *

  


(Dumbledore's POV) 

Dumbledore settled himself down in his sitting room, he had a glass of iced sweet tea and a plate of lemon bars. He waved his hand and the mirror on the wall across from him rippled to life - the potions classroom came to view. Severus was already seated behind his desk and a student was handing over a potion. A snap of his fingers and Dumbledore could hear their conversation. 

Pleased with himself Dumbledore wiggle farther back into the davenport and propped his feet on the footstool. This was sure to be an entertaining night. 

In the mirror Albus watched as Harry and Draco arrived for their detention and Severus set them to work. Severus shifted uneasily in his seat but appeared determined to focus on his grading. The boys started their tasks working diligently for a few minutes. That did not last. 

Harry soon came back down the ladder. When Severus looked up to watch Potter’s progress, he was treated to the sight of Harry tossing off his school robe. Snape whimpered. Underneath the standard robe Harry was wearing a thin white button down shirt obviously hastily done up as not all the buttons were in the right holes and one was missing. 

By the expression on his face, Snape was sorely tempted to smack his head on the desk until he went cross-eyed. Taking one more glance at the toiling students, he returned to shredding essays. 

A splash and a gasp broke the silence. “What is it now!” Severus all but growled. Potter turned around. “I spilt my scrubbing water Professor.” He replied looking contrite. Snape opened his mouth, undoubtedly to berate the boy for his carelessness but no sound came out. His gaze was caught by Harry’s now transparent shirt. The no longer warm water had soaked him from collarbone down and his nipples were starting to peak from the cold. 

Severus let his head thump to the desk and didn’t bother to pick it up. “Spell your self dry, as well as the floor. Get fresh water and get back to work!”


	8. Detention: part 2

Severus tried to ignore the boys and keep his mind on the essays he was trying to grade. He was thankful that the voice, part of his subconscious or whatever it was, had fallen silent again. He would have to ponder the thought that he was finally cracking at a later time. It had been known to happen to operatives, the stress of living a double life for so long having finally caught up with him.

Or maybe it was having to deal with brats like these two. Severus looked up at the young men toiling away. Oh dear Merlin. Severus wanted to yell, he really did, but words had abandoned him. Potter was once more scrubbing atop the ladder, shirt still damp and clingy. But now Malfoy, the little bastard, had shed his robes as well leaving him clad in sinfully tight jeans and a- a tanktop? Some cropped, sleeveless affair that was certainly against the dress code. 

Severus barely held back a whimper, cursing Albus to the depths of hell. It was going to be a really, really long month. 

  


* * *

  


Minerva rode the moving stairs to the Headmaster’s office intending to see if Albus had some free time to spend with her. She’d caught two seventh years smoking the night before and had them grading the younger years’ assignments as their detention. As a result she’d been finished much earlier then usual. 

Minerva stepped into the outer office and heard Albus giggling. She huffed softly. What was that man up to now? Minerva headed for the little sitting room she knew Albus favored. There was her man but what was he... A large mirror came into view showing, not the rooms reflection but Severus over seeing Harry and Malfoy’s detention. 

“Albus! Are you spying on Severus?” Minerva bustled further into the room, lips thinned in agitation. 

“Min! What are- I didn’t hear you come in dear.” 

“Too busy laughing at your manipulations no doubt.” Albus looked a bit sheepish but his eyes were twinkling too much to deny the claim. Minerva tsked, her attention was caught by the sight of Malfoy removing his outer robe. 

Her eyes narrowed at Severus’ reaction when he noticed. Oh this was just too good. A shifting from where Albus was sitting broke her train of thought. 

“This has gone on quite long enough. Those boys are still playing their games and Severus obviously can’t control them. I’m going to go give them a talking to. Now turn this off, and when I get back you better be finished with your paperwork.” She gave the headmaster a stern look before turning on her heel to leave. 

“Spoil all my fun.” Albus muttered. 

“I heard that!” Minerva called over her shoulder.


	9. Detention: part 3

Minerva left Albus’ office and hurried down to the Potions classroom. Once she reached the entrance to the lower levels shifted into her cat form and took the stairs at a leap. She reached the dungeons in record time.

Minerva changed back and straitened her robes and hair before striding regally to Severus’ classroom. She knocked perfunctorily and entered without waiting for a reply. She was speaking before the door even closed behind her. 

“Malfoy, Potter, that is enough. Put away your cleaning supplies and get dressed properly.” The boys looked at her in shock and didn’t move. “NOW!” Harry and Draco scurried to obey, the Headmistress was in a mood and they didn’t want to draw her wrath. 

Minerva stepped closer to Severus’ desk and looked down at the Potion Master hands on her hips. “I am surprised at you Severus. Letting those children get so out of hand. One would think you are enjoying their antics.” 

Snape’s slack mouth closed with a snap. He groaned like a dieing beast and dropped his head into his hands. The Headmistress raised an eyebrow at the sight. Perhaps there was something wrong with the younger man. “Are you unwell, Severus?” He shook his head no then yes. 

“You and I will be having a talk later Severus. I’ll also take the boys’ detention tomorrow. They obviously need a refresher on etiquette.” Minerva turned to Draco and Harry who were waiting by the door to be dismissed. “My office tomorrow night at eight, and bring parchment you’ll be doing lines to start.” The boys nodded and scurried off. 

“Really, Severus if you were feeling unwell you should have gone to Poppy. I know you’re not particularly fond of her bedside manner but that is no excuse.” Minerva shook her finger at him. “Now get some rest and see Poppy in the morning, or else.” She gave him one last stern look before leaving. 

She held back a smirk until she was in the hallway. She had a good idea what was really wrong with her younger colleague and it wasn’t a cold. No, this was the perfect opportunity for a spot if revenge. Malfoy and Potter would make perfect accomplices. Minerva hummed as she climbed up the stairs out of the lower levels, plots turning in her mind.


	10. Interlude - Wufei’s Vengeance

Wufei quietly strolled through the hallways, his shoes making very little sound on the stone floors. He could have moved silently if he wished; but it was not yet curfew and that level of stealth while the castle was still awake and cheerfully lit would draw attention. After all, why would a student need to sneak about before curfew?

So Wufei walked along the lower levels in the direction of Ravenclaw’s Retreat. He nodded in greeting to a few housemates and allowed the group of third years studying by the pilot ferns to see him walk deeper into the conservatory. Moments later he slipped out a little used side door. Wufei raced up the stairs, feet barely touching the treads as he made his way to the hospital wing. 

He waited in the alcove by the doors listening to the nurse bustle around inside. His earring was charmed to allow him to eavesdrop. Efficient, and it left no trace of a cast spell. Six minutes ticked by and Wufei had to resist the urge to curse the onna as she found yet more things to fuss with. 

Finally the door clicked and Wufei quickly entered the infirmary. He stepped immediately to the left, deeper into the shadows. Spotting his target midway up the row of beds Wufei dropped and rolled underneath the nearest one. He belly crawled counting the beds as he past under, he was humming “Swinging On a Star” under his breath. The had heard it in a movie over break. Duo was learning to play it on guitar and it was constantly stuck in his head. 

The song reminded him of the movie which gave Wufei a sudden mental image of himself back-flipping across the room or running up the wall to make his way across the rafters or some other visually stunning but ridiculously complicated manner. Not that Wufei couldn’t have done it but Murphy’s Law ruled even here and everyone knows that the more complicated a maneuver or device the easier it is to fuck up. Twelve beds later, the Chinese boy knelt up next to the sleeping form of his greatest annoyance. 

Relena Darlian. 

The most obtuse onna he’d ever had the misfortune to meet. She was more offensive then the Parkinson girl and more obsessive then the Creevey boys combined. But her biggest sin was her failure to accept the fact that Heero was taken, twice over, and even if he wasn’t she was the wrong gender anyway. Months of her harpy voiced screeching and attempts to cling to Heero, or sometimes Duo - with the absurd idea that Heero would be jealous and snag her away - had come to an end. Wufei was going to dose the psychotic onna with Casso Salax killing her libido forever. 

Such a poetic solution. 

Wufei carefully uncapped the potion bottle, with a steady hand he poured half the container into Relena’s open mouth. Wufei rubbed her throat to encourage the sleeping girl to swallow. Good thing he wasn’t stuck in some spy movie because this would undoubtedly be the moment he was caught and his plot thwarted. Wufei gave her a sip of pumpkin juice in the same manner and then tipped two drops from the vial of ‘Altoid’s Instant Freshener - For Curiously Strong Halitosis’ (“barrowed” from a Hufflepuff ) under Relena’s tongue - cleaning away any physical trace of the potion. 

The Ravenclaw boy slipped out as quietly as he had come and was walking back out of the Retreat, herb cuttings in hand, a scant twenty-five minutes after his arrival. “Swing on a star, carry moonbeams home in a jar...” Wufei sang quietly to himself as he passed the group of third years, firmly establishing his alibi. 

The only thing that could possibly link him to any problems Relena might suffer is the Potions Master’s keen memory. Sadly for Snape, Quatre is much more adept at manipulating the mind then he. The potion Wufei had shown the dower man would become Calo Saline. A minor, if difficult to brew, dialect potion. 

He cut right, going around the entrance to the Ravenclaw Tower. Wufei changed his gait as he headed toward Slytherin territory, his footsteps making no sound as he flinted from shadow to shadow. He let a smirk curl the corners of his lips when he spotted the door to his mates’ lair. Wufei was sure his lovers would appreciate the early anniversary present. 

And they were sure to show their appreciation in a suitably exhausting and messy manner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Swinging on a Star_ was sung in the movie  Hudson Hawk by Bruce Willis’ character to time a heist. 
> 
> Calo is an argot or slang of Mexican Spanish. Not Spanglish - sort of like Cockney rhyming slang. My idea is that the potion would force you to speak in Calo. So: if you went to say “No way” it would come out as “Nel, Pastel” (No, Cake). And the drinker wouldn’t notice the change in their speech. Devious, no?
> 
> The Altoids thing? That stemmed from the thought that the ‘Curiously Strong’ part is because Altoid is a Wizarding company. And plebian mints wouldn’t be a big seller for wizards so they’d have to have something a step-up. 
> 
> I know, I know that this chapter does very little to forward the plot but I couldn’t resist. I’ll admit it: I loath Relena. (which if you read ‘Operation: Send Pink to the Clink’ shouldn’t come as a surprise) 
> 
> Anyway I hope you enjoyed this small exhibition of Vengeful!Wufei. ^_^


	11. Letter Interlude

“This must be what going mad feels like.” Severus pondered. “I finally understand Dumbledore.” He shook his head rapidly. “Wait. No, I don't. I've not yet reached that level of senility... have I?” The mirror had no answer for him. Well, it might have but since it had been silenced for the last decade it hardly mattered.

Potter and Draco were more than driving him to distraction. If he didn't know better he would swear they had preformed Legilimency on him. How else could know the things they did? Everyday was another torment, another fantasy or kink hinted at – if not out right put on display – to tempt Severus from his moral high ground. 

Oh, some would argue that Snape had no morals, and they'd be mostly right. One line he had never crossed had been the line between Student and Teacher. He'd seen the greasy ferment that had been Slughorn's club. Most of the members had been legitimately outstanding students or high ranking political and social contacts. But a few had been his 'dears'. If invites to his little club had been all they garnered it wouldn't have been nearly as distasteful (Severus' opinion of Slughorn's appearance aside) but the former Potion's teacher was known to be more forgiving of his 'dears' when it came to assignments and behavior. Severus knew that it had been the threat of a scandal over Slughorn cooking exam grades that had led to Slughorn's retirement. 

Looking at his ragged reflection Severus felt rather pitiful. His sleep was constantly plagued with dreams of Potter and Draco. His waking hours left him feeling stalked as one or both boys seemed to be everywhere. Lurking. 

Perhaps he should talk to someone about it. Dumbledore was out for obvious reasons. Perhaps Minerva? No, no. That old cat would find too much pleasure in tormenting and chastising him. The last time he'd talked to Sprout about his social life (in his second year of teaching) she'd sent him a tentacle plant and a rather graphic erotic manual. Not an experience he wanted to repeat. 

That didn't leave a lot of people in Severus' circle of acquaintances. 

Hmmm. Maybe he was going about this the wrong way. It wasn't Severus' fault that Harr- Potter and Draco were acting as they were. Get rid of the stimulus and thus goes the symptoms. 

Yes. That was an idea. He'd write Black. Inform the mongrel that his Precious Godson was trying to seduce his worst enemy. If Severus knew Black, and he did, then Black would storm the castle and straighten his wayward godson out. Without Potter, Draco would lose his confidence and soon leave the game as well. 

Perfect. As they say; age and treachery over youth and beauty. 

  


* * *

  
Sirius could hardly believe the letter he received from his former classmate. _Harry? Trying to seduce him?! The nearly flying greasebat of the dungeons?_ He was sorely tempted to floo in to speak with Albus about the possibility of Snape's brain being fried by that son of a seagull Moldie-shorts.

And his further delusions that Harry was consorting with the son of another of his school-day rivals, Malfoy. The notion of such a union was obscene, ludicrous even. (And despite Snape's assurances, yes Sirius did know what that meant.) 

Growling, as he knew a visit would be impossible and Albus would refuse to entertain any notions he may have, Sirius felt a reply owl would have to do. 

> Dingbat,
> 
> Your bed, you lie in it. 


	12. Like a Susurrus

Harry barely made it out of McGonagall's office with his sanity intact. It was one thing to realize that your professors had personal lives and quite another to discuss seduction. Especially when it came to a woman who, at least to Harry, had been looked upon as a maidenly Great Aunt.

The Gryffindor shuddered slightly and peered at Draco out of the corner of his eye as they made a rapid retreat. He was nonplussed to see a definite look of pondering on the blond's face. “No. Draco, please tell me you're not actually-” Harry squeaked as Draco pushed him around a corner into an alcove. Harry tried to focus on the feel of stone against his back as he mentally prepared for a discussion he most emphatically did _not_ want to have. 

“Come, on Potter! We've been given carte blanche! No better opportunity will ever arise; all these small feints and constant proximity – we've become like a seductive susurrus buried at the back of his mind. Now is the time!”

Harry eyed his lover, settling more comfortably against the mortared stones. “Then let us have him - _our_ way.” His smirk was matched by Draco's.

  


* * *

  


Harry plucked at the drab bed-curtains in the Potion Master's rooms. He wasn't as conscientious about material things as Draco, but these were just plain pitiful. A shuffle had him turning from the bed to see a blond head popping out of the bathroom door. “This is-” Draco visibly steeled himself, “wretched. It looks like nothings been updated since the Founders.”

“That's probably the point; you Slytherins are clingy when it comes to tradition. Aren't these supposed to have been Salazar's rooms?” Draco gave a considering nod. “I'll bet the first few Heads of House kept it the same in honor and no one since has had the bollocks to change so much as the linens.” Harry waved the sad looking drape in emphasis. 

Draco crossed his arms and gave a small huff – he'd deny it, since such things were beneath a Malfoy – but he was obviously exasperated. “Keeping the architecture, even the color scheme is all well and good but the rest needs massive work.” Harry nodded. “Well?”

“Well, what?”

“Call your elf, Potter! You seriously can't expect me- _us_ to fix this atrocity? Do you know the spells? Have new furniture, linens, toiletries,” Draco waved his hand, “everything, tucked in your back pocket?”

Harry rolled his eyes at Draco's imperiousness, but gave in as the prat did have a point. “Dobby!” Harry called softly for his friend.

  


* * *

  


Severus was hopeful that his stalkers had given up; he hadn't seen them all day while he was brewing and administering detentions. Black must have written Potter after all. He'd been worried earlier in the afternoon when he'd gone to his rooms; he could have sworn that his wards had been disturbed ever so slightly. But when he'd entered he'd found only a small army of house elves whirling about. Apparently another of Albus's projects as they had been ordered to restore or replace everything from the masonry inward. The old man probably thought that fresh surroundings would improve his disposition.

Snape tidied away the last of his tools and locked the workroom. He was going to enjoy the solitude and a night undisturbed by paranoia. With the ease of long practice he ignored the little voice that whispered about lost opportunities – the small part of him that had relished the attention, something he'd been rather lacking. Steps lightened, he made his way down the twists of the maze-like dungeon halls to the Slytherin Head of House quarters.

Severus gave the password and bypassed the wards guarding his rooms with barely a thought. He took a moment to observe the changes. Not bad. All things considered it was a vast improvement. Not that he'd say so to Albus. Severus hung his outer work-robes on a stand by the door and made his way to his bedroom.

No sooner had he stepped into the dark room than he realized his mistake. Hands grabbed his wrists and a spell swirled over him, leaving Severus unable to move.

He was caught.


	13. Submission

Draco flicked his wand and lit the wash of candles that circled Snape's bedroom. The warm glow bathed the newly updated room in a golden light. It caught the shining silver fixtures, and silken sheen of the drapes. Luxurious, with a dash of cozy – the perfect setting for a seduction. Draco turned his gaze to Snape's. The look on the Potions Master's face was not one that spoke of passionate trysts. Instead he wore a look somewhere between resignation and defeat. Certainly not emotions that Draco wanted to see on his soon to be lover's face.

This was not how Draco had pictured the night starting when he and Harry had laid their plans. He let out a slight breath of exasperation – not a huff! No matter what Potter said, and pushed the older man at Harry. Draco would have to trust the Gryffindor's Hufflepuff tendencies to sort this out.  


* * *

  
Harry almost rolled his eyes at Draco. The Slytherin was just not helpful when a plan fell apart. Harry released the spell on Snape's legs and guided Severus to the large armchair at the right of the bed. He reapplied it against the chance of Severus bolting should his fight or flight kick in. 

Harry waved Draco over to the bed and perched himself on the ottoman. He schooled away the lust that had been simmering all day and put on an earnest face. The coming conversation was going to be long and tedious if Harry couldn't swiftly side-step the last of Severus's inhibitions.  


* * *

  
Severus barely paid attention to what Potter was saying; he had that horribly persuasive Potter!Charm dripping from his words and burning from dangerous green eyes. Severus couldn't really bear to look at the Gryffindor and so he tuned the teen out and let his eyes wander around the room.

His gaze skittered away from the all-too appealing image of Draco lounging on his bed: shirt half undone, hair invitingly tousled, legs sprawled just-so to draw the eye toward their apex. Severus was startled by the feeling of a warm hand suddenly landing on his leg, above his knee. The sweep of a thumb along the seam of his trousers shocked him still more – not just for being unexpected but the rare intimacy of it.

Severus was too stunned to actively ignore Harry and all it took was a few murmured words to completely capture him. The walls, the distance he'd tried to protect himself with, withered. Severus focused completely on Harry and for the first time his mind assimilated what the Gryffindor was on about.

Reassurance and permission and floating under it all a heady thread of desire. Severus contemplated letting go. Surely he was mad.

But such decadent insanity might just be worth it.  


* * *

  
Draco could pinpoint the exact moment that Harry's charm overcame Severus's reticence. Really if Potter wasn't so obviously Gryffindor he might have made a good Slytherin. Draco waited for Harry to tighten his hooks, paying no mind to the undoubtedly sappy soliloquy. When Severus's expression changed to intrigued, Draco slid off the bed and perched on the arm of Severus's chair, picking up the hand that had been resting there and draping it over his own leg. As Harry continued to weave his linguistic spell, Draco settled himself and waited for the perfect moment to pounce.

When it came, Draco was ever so delicate. Severus looked up at him and he leaned down to sweep his lips over the older man's. Twice more and then he pulled back with just a flick of his tongue. Severus's breath hitched. Draco let the slightest of smug smiles pull at his lips when Severus tilted his chin up and kissed him firmly. Harry was wearing a matching grin. 

The Potion Master was _theirs_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was tempted to name this chapter “Swerve, Swerve, Swerve” because that was what it felt like writing it. Dodge the dubcon bullet, avoid the mushy convo sand-trap, slide past the lemon-smut pits... Not everything it could have been but hopefully more satisfying than skipping to the aftermath.
> 
> Thoughts?


	14. The Inevitable

Severus woke feeling rather strange. 

His body ached but he was … contented. _‘How very odd.’_ He had the somewhat disquieting impulse to pull the covers over his head and go back to sleep. Mayhap even snuggle into the warm bodies— 

Mental reflexes borne of natural paranoia flipped his mind from fuzzy near-sleep to acutely awake in fractions of a second. Severus had just enough time to register who the bodies belonged to before the memory of the previous night flooded to the forefront of his mind. 

“Oh Morgause’s saggy tits!” Severus exclaimed, waking his companions. He took one look at their smug, greedy faces and fled. Like a man possessed he snatched his wand and outer robes, barely pulling them on as he tumbled into the floo. 

Severus all but toppled out of the fireplace in the senior staff’s meeting room. It had been the first place he could think of that was unlikely to be occupied. 

Unlikely…

“Severus! Goodness, lad. Are you alright?”

… but not certain. Severus closed his eyes and slowly breathed out through his nose a few times as the cheery voice pierced the air around him. 

_‘Albus, at the very least. Wonderful.’_

He resigned himself to having to explain and took a few steps forward, intending to sit for the conversation. He had just long enough to take in the sight of Albus, Minerva, Poppy and Pomona sitting at the counsel table, stacks of records in front of them, before the floo flared behind him. 

Pomona’s eyes got rather large, and Albus choked on his ubiquitous lemon drop. Severus turned, almost dreading to see who had followed him. 

Harry was standing in front of Draco, wearing what was unmistakably one of Severus’ white dress shirts – probably the one he’s shed last night – and nothing else. Draco was marginally more politely dressed in Severus’ jade banyan, loosely belted and obviously naked underneath. 

Minerva started to speak but the consonants sputtered into a squeak when Harry threw out his right hand and made a grasping motion at Severus. “Get over here!” Harry commanded in an oddly deep voice. A metallic light flew rope-like at Severus and wrapped around his torso, pinning his arms to his sides.

Before he could even begin to struggle, Harry jerked his hand back causing Severus to slide across the floor and into his arms. Harry hefted Severus over his shoulder and turned back to the floo. 

“Mister Potter!” Minerva protested. Severus could imagine the indignation on her face; he’d seen it often enough in his youth. 

“Excuse us,” Draco interjected, his entitled tone not showing a hint of embarrassment. “We were in the middle of a rather kinky sex game; must dash.”

“Oh. Well, that’s alright then, boys.” Severus heard Minerva mutter as the floo swirled them away. He couldn’t think of a vile enough word for his co-worker at the moment, all his blood rushing to his head certainly wasn’t helping, but he would and then he’d burn it in two foot high letters behind her desk. Oh yes. 

This- this … permissive attitude was what got him in this mess to begin with!

They came out of the floo, Harry managing to keep perfect balance even carrying Severus. He braced his hands on the Gryffindor’s back and got a look at Draco. He was smirking at Severus, not bothering to hide his delight at the older man’s predicament. 

It was enough to get Severus struggling. He got in a good jab with his knee and managed to make Harry stumble. The Gryffindor however, had made it to the bedroom and tossed Severus on to the mattress. Draco slunk up the bed and twined one leg through the older man’s. 

“Really Severus, did you have to have a crisis of conscious this morning? I was so looking forward to a nice, leisurely wake-up shag.” Draco wrinkled his nose. “Seeing the –” he cut his eyes to Harry, “ _Headmaster_ , this early was almost enough to put me off.” He pouted beguilingly. 

Harry huffed at Draco and sat beside Severus’s hip, thigh along his ribcage. His earlier aggressiveness had been tempered, and he peered at the man in concern. “What was that all about just now? I know you enjoyed last night, and Draco and I certainly did.” 

_‘Curse Potter’s silver tongue anyway.’_ Severus resigned himself to having what promised to be a trying discussion, and without even a cup of tea to fortify him. “In spite of the fact that you caught me at an unguarded moment, I do not _actually_ want to be the prize in your sordid little game. Congratulations on winning whatever bet prompted this, but really, it is well past noon – time to give up this farce.” Severus glared at the pair with the calmest and most inscrutable expression he could manage. 

“Bet?” Harry pinched Severus’s side. “I would never take bets on my sex life! Draco’s, maybe. Yours? Most definitely. But never my own.”

“Graduation fling, then,” Severus growled. “Got to tick a box off your ‘Things to Do Before I Leave Hogwarts’ list?” 

“Hardly. Besides, who said we’re leaving Hogwarts?” Draco asked dryly. 

“Presumably neither one of you has failed so _spectacularly_ as to require remedial courses, and a re-taking of your NEWTS,” Severus countered testily.

“Of course we haven’t. After the leaving feast, Draco and I will be officially, gainfully, employed at Hogwarts.” 

“Bollocks!” sounded the half hearted scoff. 

Harry picked up Severus’ hand and nipped at the ball of his thumb. “Draco will be apprenticing under Professor Vector, progressively taking over her classes so that she may retire in three years. I’ll be lending a hand teaching here and there.”

“Special Seminars Instructor, at least until the old man convinces him to take over DADA,” Draco clarified. “Now, has your maidenly panic been assailed enough for now? I was perfectly serious about wanting a shag before breakfast.”

“Breakfast is long since past, Mr. Malfoy,” Severus replied imperiously, ignoring the jibe. 

“Brunch then,” the blond murmured before swooping in for a kiss. Harry demanded his own kiss as soon as they parted for air. 

_‘Perhaps,’_ Severus pondered as he watched the younger pair kiss above him, _‘it would be all right to give them the benefit of doubt just this once. After all, if they_ were _shamming him, then they would be close at hand for revenge.’_

He had _just_ the potion for that.

 

****

And They Bickered Happily Ever After.

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally posted on FFN starting 4/13/03 and finished 8/31/13. Only took a decade and a thorough evolution in writing style to finish! This story has been the bane of my writing life, but I couldn’t just abandon it (I’m stubborn like that). 
> 
> Thanks to Gray, who co-wrote parts of this, and all the readers who hung around! 
> 
>  
> 
> Banyan – Ottoman style/kimono influenced robe, worn over informal clothing at home, but proper enough to entertain guests in. Big in the 18th Century, lots of scholars wore them from their portraits. The loose clothing supposedly kept them unhindered for brain work.


End file.
